This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
