oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
