I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
