I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
