if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
