NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
