I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
