We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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