turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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