She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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