I cockslap morals
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
