Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
