remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
