Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
