jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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