yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
