I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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