He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
