Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
