u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
