omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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