What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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