So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
