I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
