Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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