I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Even my vagina gasped.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
