i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
