We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
