i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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