He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
