Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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