You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
