Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
