Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
