In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
