im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Shame - the story of my life.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
