in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
