Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
