the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
