Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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