So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have feelings that need drinking.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
