I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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