your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
