I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
