Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
