Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
