It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
