Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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