I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
