Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he quoted the bible to break up with me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
