wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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