Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
